5 Things I Had to Unlearn to Become Self Made
By Christine OKelly | December 31, 2007
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When I went into business for myself, I knew there would be an ‘unlearning’ process - and I was excited to discover just how deep the rabbit hole would go. To find out, I decided to take things to the extreme.
I relocated from my very fast-paced world in downtown San Diego to an extremely small agricultural community, got rid of my cell phone, cut communication with most of my old contacts, and got rid of cable. Essentially, I cut off every form of outside influence for 2 years to see what would happen if I had complete control over the information that shaped my way of thinking.
Making the shift from the corporate world to working for myself was a lot like unplugging from the Matrix. There is a completely different world all around us, but we are unable to truly understand it unless we live it. This, I believe, is why I had been unsuccessful for years trying to start my own businesses part time while still working full-time for someone else. Self sufficiency is a completely different mindset.
There was a great deal of ‘unlearning’ to do in order to move into a self-made mindset. After 3 years, I feel as if I am only in the infancy stages of this unlearning process, but my thinking is much different from those early days. Here are some key things that I needed to unlearn in order to make it:
1. Not Waiting To Be Given a Task By Someone Else
After years of going to college and working for someone else where I had always been giving something to do, I had no idea how to attract business to me. In the beginning, I spent a great deal of time combing through Craigslist and freelancer resource sites looking for and replying to project requests. This was a huge waste of time. Most of the time, I never heard back from anyone - plus, it felt horrible. The job requests were often demeaning, written as if they expected a bunch of moronic replies, and paid far too low.
What had to change, was that I needed to find a quiet place within myself and discover exactly what type of value I could provide. Then, I crafted a basic text email, and sent it to the types of companies that would need my services. Within the first half hour of sending that email, I generated enough business to pay all my bills for the remainder of the year.
2 . Turning Down Opportunities
When you work for someone else, you really don’t have the luxury of telling your boss that you prefer not to do a job that you are asked to do (unless you want to get fired or be viewed as not a ‘team player.’) With this old mindset, I first accepted every job that came my way - even if I didn’t really like it or believe in it.
Now I think differently. Every job I do must be something that I believe in. It must provide a great product or service to people. It must enrich my experience and strengthen my portfolio. And it must give me an opportunity to make good use of my skills. When you call the shots, there is absolutely no reason to take on projects that you don’t feel great about. Leave that for the people that are working for someone else or who haven’t yet unplugged from the Matrix.
3. Creating a Void
This was perhaps the scariest lesson to learn. In fact, I cognitively knew that this was necessary before I ever had the cahones to act on it. However, this step is essential in the early days in order to fully live step #2. There were a few clients that I really wanted to let go of. I just did not feel good when I worked on their projects and procrastinated doing the work.
I wanted to let them go, but that meant losing a decent chunk of money each week. I wanted to believe that if I created a void and freed up my mind and my energy from these projects, that new ones would surface to fill the gap. I had seen this phenomenon in other areas of my life, but was hesitant to bet my family’s rent money and grocery money on this. Shouldn’t I just suck it up and continue doing these projects - even if I didn’t like them?
After some time, I decided to drop them. Within just a few weeks, new projects came to me. Both were referrals and they were more exciting and paid better. I believe that if you create a void, something will come along to fill it.
This phenomenon is much like digging a hole in the sand at the beach when the tide is coming in. If you dig the hole, the water will rush in and fill it with new sand. If you leave it filled, it remains virtually unchanged. If you don’t have the energy or time for new things to come into your life, they won’t.
#4 The Art of Self Promotion
When working for someone else, it is frowned upon to toot your own horn too much. But when you work for yourself, you have got to get comfortable doing this. If you are not out ther promoting your strengths in the beginning, no one will be.
When I felt I had become an expert at my craft, I began referring to myself as such, and other people followed suit. As Donald Trump says in his book “Think Big and Kick Ass,” people look to you to decide how they should treat you.
#5 Making Deals With People Far Outside of Your Comfort Zone
When you work in a corporation - especially if you are somewhat low on the totem pole, it is generally frowned upon to go hang out in the executive’s office. Going to the execs with an idea or an issue is often seen as overstepping your boundaries or going above your superior’s head.
Luckily, I held some high management positions before going into business for myself, so talking with C-level execs wasn’t entirely unfamiliar. But still, I was only accustomed to working with those particular executive teams. There is always someone outside of your comfort zone. We can never let our fear of talking with them stand in the way our goals.
If you are completely unfamiliar with a particular industry or rank of executive, try seeking one out as a mentor. Another strategy that I have used is asking to interview someone in that position. Sometimes, just getting to know one individual on a personal level can dispel a lot of the fear you may feel about others in their same industry or position.
If you want to make the big deals and branch out into new areas, you have got to get comfortable talking with people who are way outside of your comfort zone. Otherwise, you will hang out at around the same level of pay, the same level of status, and the same level of experience that you always have. This is one thing that I will be taking to a new level this year. I’m nervous, but excited. I know that once I make this new breakthrough, I will have achieved a new level of knowledge, confidence, and expertise.
How about you?
What did you have to unlearn when you went into business for yourself? What thought processes do you think are holding you hostage in your current role or income level?
This is a new year with all new possibilities. I wish every person reading this incredible success in the coming year - let’s make it amazing!
Topics: Business Development, Freelancer Tips, Business Opportunities |
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It’s number 3 that’s the killer.
I’ve got a project I’m not enjoying that much, involves a 14 hour day as I travel to meet the boss once a week and is just not that much fun.
But the boss has very deep pockets and I keep reading that a recession is around the corner. And he likes me and there’s at least 6 months of work to come.
So I don’t quit but feel like I should.
Baz - I hear ya - this is the KILLER! I have gotten sucked into this all over again too. One of the things that I have GOT to do this year is create a void so that new opportunities can flow in. It is very scary.
I completely understand your situation… One thing you might be able to do (if you don’t work in the office) is to outsource a lot of the work. You would pay most of your earnings out, but you wouldn’t lose the client just in case.
I am sure that you will figure it out and I wish you the best in 2008!
Hi Christine! Yet another powerful post! This one resonated with me quite a bit.
It is very true that in business, unlearning can be as important as learning. For me, the points that really hit home were:
Turning down opportunities that don’t fit your values and priorities. It is very important to realize that taking on a job that doesn’t suit you can be detrimental to your business, and that you don’t have to take everything that comes at you! Being discerning, even in the beginning, can help your position immensely.
The art of self-promotion. This is a topic that I write about heavily on my own blog, and something which I feel many people either lack an understanding of, or simply do not value enough. Self-promotion is extremely instrumental in business and life, and has helped me immensely. Although I am young, I like to think that I command an unusual amount of respect for my age due to my understanding of this principle.
Your blog posts are always informative, passionate, and completely relevant! Keep em coming and Happy New Year!
So true Conrad! I know someone who was completely broke yet still turning down $75 per hour remote contract projects because he felt he deserved $100 and more exciting projects. At one point in my life, I would have thought this was CRAZY - but now I know betters. Within just a few weeks, he landed a $100/hour dream contract.
Your blog is amazing Conrad and your writing style if fantastic. I have NO DOUBT that you will go very far!!
I have been waiting, an waiting and waiting for your next post and it was a great read. OMG no cell phone, do you have one now? No I don’t want your number…lol
lol Collin - believe it or not, I still do not have a cell phone! I am considering getting one soon though simply because I want the iPhone. I did however get cable about 6 months ago and watch mindless shows like ‘Real Housewives of Orange County’ to relax for a bit.
Well as long as your relaxing that is the main thing. Hope you had a great holiday season.
Turning Down Opportunities is Hard when you first get started. I found a good first step to turning down an opportunity is to overbid. Ask for more money than you normally would. Add in the Pain in the A.. Factor. It also will surprise you when you land the job for more money and can help you with realizing your worth. I found this was a stepping stone for me to saying know. Charge more. Thanks.
I started another blog yesturday as well. blogelephant.com gives design advice related to blogging.
Thanks for another great article.
This is a GREAT strategy Sean. Saying ‘no’ was very difficult for me also. Not only does it help to say no, but it helps you figure out what your current work is worth. I think it is so important to get what we believe is a fair price for our work, otherwise we simply won’t put all of our effort into it.
Your new blog looks amazing! The color combination is really unique - wow! I look forward to watching this one and just subscribed to your feed.
~ Christine
The hardest thing for me to learn is not to panic about money. I feel that I am wasting too much time chasing opportunities that I don’t really want, just because I am afraid of running out of money.
I also need to take your advice about creating a void to heart. I tend to fill up my time too much, so I don’t have time to think about what I really want to do.
Great post, thanks!
Pat,
I completely understand and thought about you when I wrote this post! I know that you are in the beginning stages of making this transition - and I commend you!
Not panicking about money is very, very difficult. I remember a specific moment before I ‘fired’ the 2 clients mentioned above that I took a deep breath and decided to trust that things would work out.
I was not entirely surprised when they did, but still find myself getting into these same ruts and it is just as difficult to repeat this advice.
The fact that you say you fill up time too much so that you don’t have to think about what you really want to do is very interesting to me. I think EVERYONE does this - but why? This is something I would like to explore further…
Thanks for sharing Pat - and I wish you huge success in 2008.
Hi, Christine. One of your questions was “What thought processes do you think are holding you hostage in your current role or income level?” I’ve been blogging just over a month, so I’ve mainly been spending time learning newbie stuff and getting up and running.
Learning the mechanics of blogging has turned out to be much harder than I expected. I’ve encountered some weird yet entertaining glitches, like my color scheme being completely different in IE vs. Firefox. But just by accepting that it’s not supposed to be as easy as I thought it would be, I’m able to stay focused on resolving these issues, and should progress beyond the newbie stage soon.
I’m not new to the business world, however. In response to your question “What did you have to unlearn when you went into business for yourself?,” I want to mention a Calvin and Hobbes strip I saw a long time ago. Calvin does a push-up, looks up at the sky, and says “Reward, please!”
When you’re an employee, there’s a direct and immediate link between effort and reward. You just put forth some effort, then you get a check on payday. When you’re in business for yourself, the reward is delayed, and it’s not clear what efforts are required to attain it. So I’d say I had to unlearn the expectation of instant gratification, and take greater responsibility for connecting my efforts to the reward I wanted.
Hunter, this is an excellent, excellent point! I tend to be very driven by recognition awards as I assume many people are.
Both of the major companies that I worked with held regular recognition meetings and events. when working for yourself, no one is going to give you a plaque or a gym membership prize or a $5,000 bonus for a job well done. We have to learn to give yourself recognition if that is what motivates us.
Thanks for sharing Hunter - How cool that you also have the red pill/blue pill from the Matrix on your site!!
Yeah, I love the Matrix! I actually have a red pill and a blue pill on my desk (they turn into sponge animals in hot water). They serve as a reminder that I can always question my current reality.
I love how you said “unplugging from the Matrix” awesome metaphor.
Hi Christine! This is a great post to end the year with, and a stimulant for introspection as we start the new year. All of your points are valid.
I am especially partial to items #4 and #5. There is nothing wrong with tasteful, limited self-promotion. Confidence is so important. Others will definitely treat you as they observe your projection of self worth, identity and confidence.
I have written extensively on the topic of growing out of your comfort zone. Consistency in this area is critical to achieving big goals and living your dreams. Fear is usually the only thing that tends to hold us back.
Regarding executives; I have observed the following: The higher up the ladder someone is, the more approachable they are. Many will appreciate the moxy of an individual who presents them with a quality idea. Never equate busy-ness or a firm gatekeeper with being unapproachable.
Remember that there is always a person underneath that $1500 suit; and people need friends.
Wishing you a safe, happy and prosperous New Year!
Dan - feel free to share some of your links to posts about growing out of your comfort zone here. I am fascinated by the act of this type of growth. Right now, I know that I want to grow beyond my current comfort zone, but I’m looking for some new ideas to take ACTION on that desire. Sometimes… it’s difficult to grow beyond your comfort zone when you don’t know exactly what exists beyond your comfort zone!
I totally agree with what your observation that the higher up the ladder, the more approachable someone is. I believe this is because in order for them to get to that point, they could not have been closed minded and are eager to learn new points of view. There are many, many people in middle management that do not have these characteristics, but it seems once you get beyond that point to the top of the chain, people are much more approachable.
Thanks so much for sharing!!
Christine
@ Hunter
LMAO
I second that! Hunter - that is awesome… I think you may have started a trend…
Thank you for the post!
As for me, I had to learn that it is better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
If you want something, you have to get out there and get it. Sail your ship, and you will be able to fix your course through your journey.
-Ed
Smart Advice Edward. I’ve found that people are generally afraid to try something new, but once they see it in action, they like it. Sometimes you just need to blaze ahead and do what you think is best.
Thanks for sharing!
Christine
Excellent post, Christine.
2007 proved to a big year of learning for me. I don’t think I’ve ever learned so much in all my life. Surely that’s a good thing?
However, as well as continued learning in ‘08, I am hoping to profit from my knowledge, which will be a really big thing for me.
Congrats Armen on your blog’s one year anniversary! What a huge accomplishment - from what I understand, most blogs never last anywhere near that long. What are your plans for taking what you’ve learned and making a profit this year?
Thanks so much for sharing!
Christine
Great post. Thank you.
If there’s one thing I also learned real quick is the fact that, at least for me, it’s a lot of hard work and long hours working for yourself.
I think if one is seriously thinking of quitting their job due to their long hours in the office, they’d better think twice about working for yourself.
Although, the satisfaction you get from working for yourself far outweighs the small pat on your back you may or may not receive from a boss in the office.
Anyways, great blog. It is now bookmarked. Happy New Year!
Richard
www.SubBlurbs.com
Most definitely Richard! Here is is in the 4 o’clock hour and I’m already up working. Being self employed means that you are never OFF. The minute you start to slack off is the minute you begin to lose your competitive edge. I think there is a certain group of people who find this ‘fun’ - but for those who don’t the experience would be brutal!
Thank you for your great articles; I find them really inspiring!
When I first started, I had to stop thinking I was being a nuisance when offering my services. Or waisting their time if I give them a call. I found out that even the greatest art directors are constantly looking for good illustrators. My work may be just what their looking for and most of the time they’re happy to receive some samples of my work. Knowing this is really helping me promoting myself.
Betje
Betje - this is great! I think you really hit on something here… for most people, their first sales experience was peddling overpriced goods door to do for some sort of fundraiser. No one really wanted to buy these things… and we knew this even as kids. We really must unlearn that mindset that we are ‘bothering’ people and believe that what we are selling truly has value in the world.
Thanks!
Christine
Hi Christine
You’re spot on with this as usual.
Thinking back to when I went out alone (15 years ago now!!) I remember clearly sitting down at an empty desk and thinking (I won’t say what I was thinking due to censorship! but suffice to say it was along these lines) “what have I done”
There was no stationery, no forms, no processes, no clients, no computer, no phone line - zip! All i had was a dream and a real desire to make it myself.
The biggest difference I found was that the employee has everything laid on and ready - on your own you are the only one (until you buy in help) who is around to do anything. So much time is wasted on things that the IT dept. / personel dept/ stationery / business support etc etc would do for you. These are things you don’t even consider until you’ve taken the leap!
Happy New Year to all - & great success in 2008
Wow Mark! I can completely visualize this scene of you sitting at an empty desk! I have a difficult time imagining what it must have been like without even a computer! I feel like as long as I have my computer and internet connection that anything is possible… but without that… I would be lost about where to begin! Congrats of 15 years of doing things your way!
Once again Christine you have blown my head off with a post. I love the ‘no cable’ idea. I did that after a break-up several years ago, and I consider doing it again often (but the wife says NO).
These are the issues that I have been struggling with for a month now as I have been reviewing the past year and planning my goals for next year. (In between shoveling snow and traveling for the holidays!)
I am having the hardest time with not “being given something to do”. I have things that I want to do, and projects that I have on the back burner, that need to become assignments in my mind.
Once I can do this I will have taken a massive step forward. Thanks for the inspiration.
This is the first blog I have read this year and boy am i glad, this is excellent info you are sharing. I have recently gone into business my self after leaving my 9-5 and after a month of walking for myself I was starting to think have i made the right decision. but this read has got me back on track.
I understand that feeling Ashley! I think pretty soon you’ll be thinking… ‘how in the world do these other people go to work for someone else all day?!?’
Thank you for your insite. I agree with so much of what you are saying. Most people avoid the challenge and you should be proud of your accomplishments.
http://www.reversefunnelmentoring.com
Let the beauty of what you Love, be what you do
Christine,
I took the plunge several years ago, and am quite surprised you listed the exact ones I had gone through…it’s nice to know others share experiences.
This was a very high quality post. Thanks!
Hey hey, I just StumbleUponed your blog and I am loving it. I am preparing myself for entrepreneurship and right now I am in the “oh crap, how am I going to live” stage. I’ve been reading a lot of entrepreneur sites looking for advice, and I am finding that your posts offer some of the most useful and genuine advice on the net.
I understand and can visualize doing items 2-5, but I am a little stuck on number one. I can see how important it is to seek out work, but are you really suggesting that I just walk into or send emails to businesses saying (in a more business friendly tone) “Hey, you need me, now give me money,” or is there some subtlety I am missing (obviously this is something I need to (un)learn.)
By the way, I just want to say how reassuring it was to read your comment in #1 about job postings on freelance sites. I have looked though a number of those and quite a few postings made me think “Wow, this sounds impossible to do in this time frame. What am I getting into?”
Kaykfrink,
Try my blog: http://www.pinnycohen.com - it actually covers a lot of just what you are looking to learn about entrepreneurial work.
Hi Kaykfrink!
That’s a great question… I don’t suggest seeking people out and saying “hey give me money,” but “hey, here’s what I do - when you need me, here’s how I can help.” It’s worked for me! I’ve noticed that a lot of people have a problem, but they are just too busy to find someone to solve it or don’t want to deal with one of those job bidding sites - so they do nothing and the problem grows. Someone just wrote to me and told me that they got their biggest contract by trying this and doing the same thing - wow!
Nice post. I just stumbled here and I’m pretty impressed. I had to go through a lot of this when I started working for myself.
“What had to change, was that I needed to find a quiet place within myself and discover exactly what type of value I could provide.”
Wow, this really struck me hard! One of the first things I looked into was freelance when I started looking to work for myself and I got discouraged because people were paying CRAP (and others were gladly accepting the low pay). I’m not yet self employed but I know that I don’t want that!
I will be searching deep. Thank you!
That is awesome Lisa. Do not be discouraged by all of the people who are offering crap wages and all of the people who are willing to accept them. Those are the absolute worst people to work for because they do not understand VALUE. There are many people out there who are willing to pay for quality and added value! Don’t let those sites like Craigslist get you down - there is a much better world out there when you forget about those job bidding boards and blaze your own trail!
i really, really like this post, christine. my biggest hurdles are number 5 and a version of number 5.
my grand plan for durtbagz is to see our signs on other peoples’ things; not just our bagz. at some point in my life i want to hook up with burton or one of the other top snowboard companies and do a durtbag line of boards/clothes. for some reason, i keep saying ‘we’re too new, we should wait a little bit to get more clout before i ring up the director of design at burton’.
i have lots of weird marketing ideas to do, but the execution is hard for me. why? i think everything goes back to ‘what if people think this sucks?’. and this is a new fear for me and i don’t know where it came from. here’s what i need to say to myself: so what if they do? actually, just writing this made my chest get a little bit bigger. (well, not bigger in the way i’d like, but you know what i mean.)
lol erin! You bring up such a good point… I think EVERYONE goes through that ‘what if this sucks’ thing… I know that I have. This is especially true in the beginning before an idea has caught on and you are the only one who believes in the idea.
I was listening to the audio book by Donald Trump called “Think Big and Kick Ass” and he talked about how difficult it is to build momentum when no one believes in what you are doing and perhaps even disbelieves the idea. He talked about persevering and that eventually, little by little, that momentum builds and then it becomes much easier.
Most people have a tendency to doubt a new idea for some reason… who knows why… perhaps because people kind of have a herd mentality and they like to buy into things that other people already believe in. I guess the thing is the tap into that passion we had in the beginning, before we allowed doubt to creep in, and just tune out the self defeating thoughts of ourselves and others.
Thanks so much for your honesty! I think everyone can relate…
Christine:
Excellent, excellent post. I love your blog — it’s the right mix of introspection coupled with sound business advice.
Regarding this post, I think the hardest thing to “unlearn” as you so eloquenly put it is #2, Turning Down Opportunities.
I’ve been a freelance writer since 1993, and it took me years to get to the point where I felt comfortable doing this. Unfortunately, I’d gotten to the point where I was so burnt out that I was considering giving up freelancing — thank goodness I learned another way.
Advice to others to make this more palatable — don’t think of it as turning down opportunities, but rather as freeing up time to make more money.
If you consistently do work that you don’t like, are underpaid for, or work with clients who cause you great stress and anxiety or other problems, think how much that’s COSTING you.
When you freelance, TIME is your most valuable asset. How you use is is DIRECTLY related to how much money you will make year in and year out.
Sometimes, NOT accepting an opportunity is some of the best money you can ever make.
Again, great blog Christine.
Sincerely,
Yuwanda Black, Publisher
http://www.InkwellEditorial.com
http://www.InkwellEditorial.blogspot.com
http://www.SEO-Article-Writer.com
http://www.SEO-Articles-for-Sale.com
http://www.money-making-videos.blogspot.com
[…] has a great post on 5 Things I Had to Unlearn to Become Self Made. Having started several traditional businesses myself, I can tell you that she is spot on. I urge […]
[…] 5 Things I Had to Unlearn to Become Self Made […]
I was just sitting here feeling slightly guilty and doubting my decision not to take a client, even though I knew it would be a nightmare and they would never be happy and I would hate every minute of it … because you know, we business folk are supposed to be grateful for work. Then I read your post and remembered that it is only my experience that allowed me to see that the beach in front of me was actually quicksand, and I am much happier and more solvent worker now that I have learned to turn these types of jobs down. Thanks for the reminder, and for helping unrumple my furrowed brow.
Great post. I am glad I found your blog. I am going through a career change of my own and your comments were quite timely. Like you, I started my own blog to talk about my change.
Again, great blog. I will be back.
I think one of the important things for new entrepreneurs is to unlearn the fear that they have to do it all on their own or they’d be considered inadequate. Business is a team sport, and it is smarter to seek good help. Good help and the pro who offers such help doesn’t necessarily mean the most expensive one around but does mean who knows what the entrepreneur needs. Such pro will charge good money, but is worth more than the money they charge.
I am lucky to have a good CPA. I think he will pay for himself because he can plan for my tax.
[…] 5 Things I Had to Unlearn to Become Self Made […]
[…] 5 Things I Had to Unlearn to Become Self Made Sometimes the hardest part about going freelance isn’t learning new things, but unlearning old ones. Christine OKelly, the Self Made Chick tells about five things she had to unlearn. […]
Hi Christine - your blog just shows how selfless you are, thank you for such an insightful post!