Survival of the Fittest: Closed Mouth Doesn’t Get Fed
By Christine OKelly | November 5, 2007
Back in the days when I was hitchhiking around the country, my home for many months was a tent in a gorgeous cove off the coast of California’s Highway 1 just north of Santa Cruz.
It was there that I learned what has perhaps become one of the most essential pieces of business advice from another vagabond named Davin.
Davin shared the cove with us – or rather, we shared the cove with him. He was living on the beach after ending a relationship with his fiancée and having no where to live.
Though Davin was homeless, he always looked sharp, clean, and pimped out unlike many of the other vagabond travelers around Santa Cruz. One night Davin returned “home” with a new pair of shoes and a great looking hair cut.
I asked him, “how do you get all of this stuff?!?” and he replied “Closed mouth doesn’t get fed – you’ve just got to ask for what you want!”
That piece of advice hasn’t left me in 10 years and has helped me achieve more than I dare to account for. If you want something, you’ve got to ask people for what you want. And although this is so simple, most people don’t. As a result, they don’t get what they want.
Last week, two people contacted me through my blog asking me if I could use their services. In both cases, I just happened to need exactly what they had. As a result, I won’t be searching for anyone else to fill this need and I expect both of these people to profit.
- If you want more money from clients or your employer, ask.
- If you want a promotion, ask.
- If you want to partner with someone on a project, ask.
- If you want someone to promote your products or services, ask.
It’s as simple as that. It doesn’t mean that the person you ask will always give you what you want. But chances are extremely high that you won’t get it if you don’t ask.
Your Thoughts
What do you want right now that you have been resistant to ask for? Have you ever been hesitant to ask for something but then surprised at how easy it was to get it once you did ask? What is holding you back from asking for what you want?
Topics: Business Opportunities |
29 Comments »
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Christine! That’s so cool. I’m doing a post on Ask and Ye Shall Receive tomorrow and now I can link to this awesomeness.
How cool is that?!
wow! Reminds me of another saying… great minds think alike!
It’s said that just showing up is half the battle. I think having the gumption to ask for what you want might be the other half! Super article, Christine! Funny how I sent you that email way before I read your post. I already believe in this. Anyone who’s ever had any sales training knows you gotta “ask for the buy”.
I know! It was funny to receive your email because I figured you probably hadn’t even gotten over to read this yet! And about that email - let’s do it!
Awesome. I will keep you in mind (not too busy, yet, but I can see it happening). Let me know if there’s anything I can help you with.
I have a real estate client in mind that needs some blog consulting… but since I’m handling their blog, I may be referring myself to you!
Christine, I’d be thrilled to work with you! You’ve got my email, so contact me any time.
Uh-oh…Christine and Michael with something in the works? Ill have to keep my eyese open for what you guys have.
Also , I would like to add that asking for something has never hurt anyone, however NOT ASKING may have very long term negative effects on someones life.
This is true, Bunk. Especially in love, as well as business!
Well said Martin…very well said.
Being proactive is definitely important. Several times I’ve been surprised at how easy things have turned out with a little bit of aggressiveness.
It is wild isn’t it… You can look online at all of your competition… but really you can cut away a huge percentage of them as “real” competition because most of them are too afraid to ask for what they need to take their business to the next level.
Christine, that’s a great point! Asking requires people to come out of their shells, get out of their own head, and show some chutzpah — take a risk. And that means most people won’t do it. If you do it, you’re already ahead of most people.
Thanks Christine - excellent post as usual.
One of my fav quotes is:
“You’ve got to ask! Asking is, in my opinion, the world’s most powerful — and neglected — secret to success and happiness… The world is full of genies waiting to grant your wishes.” – Percy Ross
That’s a great quote… there is a book called ‘The Aladdin Factor’ by Jack Canfield that I’ve been meaning to read that is centered on this concept of asking for what you want. - Thanks Anke!
This is a great article. One of my philosophies is “if you don’t ask, you don’t get”. I agree there are people willing to help you - they just don’t know what you need or how to go about it.
Great reminder - and as always, I love hearing your stories from your “life on the road”!
Smart way of thinking Liz… there is a reason why you are leading and empowering women entrepreneurs!
What a happy coincidence Christine… we were both writing a similarly themed blog article at the same time! I enjoyed reading your perspective and agree. I too learned the same lesson many years ago.
The simple truth is, the answer is usually “no” unless you ask. The secret strategy is to ask expectantly.
Daniel - I love your story about how you went to the top to ask for what you wanted - and then got it!
A testimonial from Brian Tracy?!? How awesome is that - He is one of my business icon heroes. I shook his hand once, by you got him to write a testimonial for your book - awesome.
For readers - the post is here:
http://ideaseller.typepad.com/idea_sellers/2007/11/the-answer-is-n.html
[…] at Self Made Chick has a post called The Closed Mouth Doesn’t Get Fed (or something like that). When I read it, I was thinking of writing a post about asking for what […]
Damn right!
I met this lady a few nights ago who is one of the division heads in a 9 Billion dollar government program.
At the end of the dinner I found her in the group and told her that I had a goal of getting one more Gonvernment contract next year. Did her project have any need for UI?
Looks like I am flying to DC in a few weeks to meet with her team.
Btw - we are also looking for a contract with both Adobe and Apple - anyone know someone they can introduce us to?
(heh had to ask)
Christine - thats an awesome post.
Wow Shane! That is a perfect example of ‘closed mouth doesn’t get fed’! Imagine how many other people were just wishing for a contract like that while you were out there asking for it. I love it. Congrats to you - and best of success at your meeting!
Christine
Yep, How many times my mom told me the squeeky wheel get’s the oil… My preference in hoping a higher power will supply the answers and people (or sometimes false hope and empty promises) at the right time…and I will be spared the effort of having to ask …
Independant self reliant people (stubborn bullheaded) are like that… they don’t like to ask… Hell, I can’t tell you how many times i’ve beat my head against a problem not because i didn’t think of asking for help but just sheer determination to figure it out myself, do it my way as the song goes…
Believe me I’d rather chew off my arm than ask for help in any area of my life… it seems like asking for help is the insult to all injurys..
Just like i’d never ask a customer to “buy” something… god, I have to give them credit for making a purchasing decision based on something other than my prodding.
but on the other hand, their are times and questions you know you’ll never figure out or, your in a terrible hurry to know or the answer is more important than just one arm…so,
What i’d like? I’d like to find a guy to replace myself with… and head to that beach:)Or, I’d like to go back 30 years and start over with what I know now…
Bob! I think you are missing out on not asking for what you want! In fact, I know that asking for what you want is working for you! In your blog post, you “made a call to Captain Mike at Firefighter Blog and showed him the ring and presented our offer…” and he put out an all points bulletin looking for worthy charities that can accept a donation…” I bet if you hadn’t asked, he wouldn’t have done that. So congrats to you for asking for what you want… and getting it!
Your right christine: (typing with one arm)lol
I had in mind asking for favors or “help” reading your post… and while their are times i have to ask, I still find it difficult.
I try to be careful when I do ask because sometimes the answers come at a greater hidden cost than turning your question into a straight forward,”I want to buy your help”.
with Capt Mike and also the political grind it was a straight forward business proposition… and just seemed to obvious to ignore or pass up… we have a fire fighter ring and he has a fire fighter web site)he doesn’t have any ad’s on his site, we would like an add on a web site…
I don’t want him to do it for free or as a favor so I offer him a deal i hope he can’t refuse and it’s a mutually beneficial arrangement “if” it works…
but…it’s not working…Nobody has benefitted, no sales, so, I’m going to ask…
can you tell me what went wrong and who can fix it? Seems like the concept is workable and simple enough… but the result for 1 month has been dismal.
[…] So Julie got great, great, great grandma’s old diamond (pretty neat). Guess sometimes you just got to ask. But if I hadn’t been so focused on it, I would never have ended up with one of the most […]
What a nice way to put it. I spent some time in Nigeria where life is very tough and they have a phrase that echoes the same sentiment. They say “The patient dog starves to death”.
Great post as always.
Gavin
[…] to become a tipping point that catapults you clearly into success territory. Do not be afraid to ask for what you want from people. This isn’t totally selfish: bloggers are always looking for linkworthy material, […]
[…] Lastly, thank you, Stephen, (and a few others in the recent past) for asking me to write this. The open mouth gets fed. […]